“Most idly do the Elves of Lorien fight.”
Movies were the order of the day yesterday. After making some impromptu guacamole soft taco/tostada hybrid (the tostadaco?), we indulged in an impromptu cyberpunk/fantasy hybrid of the Animatrix and the first 2 hours of The Two Towers extended edition.
Animatrix brings me to the end of my personal Matrix experience, at least for now. I’m told that there is a lot of “important” material in the video game, but I am not wild about that idea, especially in light of the Lord of the Rings game I bought about this time last year. It started out fine, and it was entertaining to play as Aragorn, but it grew very frustrating. I think that, like the Matrix, you have to experience it for yourself to truly feel my pain, but I will attempt a dramatic rendition of the turning point in the game for me.
Aragorn: Okay, I’ll do that. You guys will help, right?
Everyone: Right behind you, boss!
[CUT TO HELM'S DEEP, ARAGORN WILDLY HACKING AND SLASHING, OUTNUMBERED 200 TO 1]
Aragorn: A little help here!
Legolas: Sorry, man, I’m up here killing orcs you can’t see. It’s important for me to do this, really.
Solider: Nah, I’m going to carry on endless battle with this unkillable goblin over here, and ignore the 2 dozen Uruk Hai with axes beating down the door.
Solider 2: I’d love to help out, but I’m doing something terribly important over here. You’re doing great, chin up! Don’t forget that we lose everything and will all die horribly seconds after that door is knocked down.
Aragorn: Thanks for nothing!
[HACK HACK SLASH COMBO MOVE HACK SLASH POWER UP]
Legolas: [from as far away as possible] Argh! I chipped a nail and have been transformed from an immortal cuisinart of death to a pansy who will most certainly die if you, Aragorn, don’t come up and personally save me!
Aragorn: What about the door?
Faceless Narrator: Stop whining and get to work.
[TRUDGE TRUDGE SMACK]
Aragorn: There. These guys weren’t any tougher than the two thousand or so you just killed. Why did you need me for this? Come to think of it, where were you when I was defending the outer gate by myself against an army of orcs armed with explosive catapults armed with only a sword?
Legolas: [avoiding Aragorn's keen glance] Um, well. [points] Aragorn!! There’s no time for chit chat! Because you went to selflessly help me, the doors are falling down, and we will all die! Aiiiii!
[ARAGORN DIVES FOR THE COURTYARD AS THE DOORS FALL, WHILE ENTIRE ARMY OF MEN AND ELVES WATCHES IDLY]
Everyone: Smooth move, heir of Isildur.
Aragorn: [dying horribly] Still not kiiiinnggg!
This little play in all likelihood will capture my immense frustration playing the game about as well as the game captured the sweeping epic of the first two films. At any rate, I don’t want to torture myself with poor AI and ridiculous plot contrivances to get a glimpse of a few more minutes of “important” content.
I really liked what I saw of The Two Towers. The content they added made the film flow much better, and added a lot of the richness that makes Tolkein’s world so wonderful.
