Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Most of the time it’s a little bit of both, and you end up feeling weird and confused.

The path we follow is really following us. It’s constantly being created by what we do now, and by how we do it. So what are we going to do? Show me.

Monday night, late. I wrapped my package up tightly, pushed it carefully into my bag, and got on my bike. As I rode down to Davis Square, I wasn’t sure if this was such a good idea. I’d never done this before, and was a little worried that something might not work out. But I just had to try.

It was 10pm and dark by the time I got there, but there was still activity in the square. Stepping off my bike, I looked around at the people sitting on the benches, enjoying the remains of the day. I could feel my bag get heavier as I wondering how many people knew what I was up to. They had to know, from the way they avoided my gaze. My pulse raced.

And then there she was. Shirt just like she’d said in the message. Our eyes met and we moved towards each other. Some small talk was exchanged and then she pulled the goods out and quickly handed them to me. I gave her my package, plus a little something extra, and stowed her stuff in my bag. Moments later I was wheeling home on my bike – I’d gotten away with it! When I got home, I resisted the urge to indulge right away, and put the goods away until the next day.

And so when it was snack time yesterday, I had some beautiful jelly donut cupcakes to enjoy, well worth the trade of brownies and a jar of fresh salsa. A successful baked goods exchange.

The Memorial day festivities went well, and involved tofu pups, veggie kabobs, and other munchies. While we grilled, we sat around outside and sang badly (this picture captures probably the worst performance of a Tom Petty song you could imagine). Desert was brownie sundaes with a rich chocolate ganache. And apparently this is going to turn into a food blog unless I watch myself.

I heard from the organizer that Saturday’s performance of Indra’s Net was once again well received. The piece has legs!

I rode another training ride yesterday afternoon. It was a bit easier than the first, mostly because I was more liable to apply the brakes on steep downhills than to let my legs do the work. The real ride is next Sunday.

Memorial Day is tomorrow, and today will involve some meal planning and cooking, a little bit of work, and with luck a lot of relaxing. I sometimes forget about the significance of Memorial day, doing the easy operation of slicing off the “holi-” from “day.” Yesterday’s ride took us past a veteran’s cemetery, and I started crying as I rode by the seemingly endless field of grave markers, each marked with a flag. So many have died, will die.

Panoramic photo of Harvard Square, merged from two photos. Click the image for a larger size.

It seems to be food week. I made some quinoa & vegetable salad this morning, which is good for snacking and high in protein. It’s light and fluffy like tabouli, which is one of my very favorite foods. Tonight it’s soft tacos to highlight yesterday’s delicious salsa verde.

The more I cook, the more I eat, and that’s good.

I’m a domestic demigod today, a virtual Don Reed. Cleaned house, did laundry, baked banana bread, whipped up a batch of salsa verde (inspired by some delicious looking tomatillos at the grocery store), and prepped everything for tonight’s dinner.

I’m typing this while wearing an apron.

Today’s performance of Indra’s Net was wonderful. The preparatory ensemble consisted of 7 young players, and they played with lots of conviction and heart. The piece was more delicate than with 40+ flutes, and it seemed just barely there at times, but it was very beautiful; I could hear the individual paths more clearly.

I’m also happy that I managed to create a something a young group can play without vast amounts of preparation. Seeing an 8-year old playing experimental art music, let alone mine, was a treat beyond measure, and honestly one of the highlights of my career as a composer.

There’s not one, but two performances of Indra’s Net coming up!

The first is this Saturday. Here are the details:

Longy Preparatory Flute Ensemble Concert
Saturday, May 19th at 10:45am
Longy School of Music
Pickman Concert Hall
27 Garden Street
Cambridge, MA 02138

10:45am-noon

works by: Beethoven, Jeffrey Radcliffe, and a world premiere by Elisabeth Mehl

The second is Saturday, May 26th in Reading, MA. I don’t have any more details than that at the moment.

Updates concering comings and goings:

There’s some extroverted weather going on outside; dark, green-tinged, and stormy. I’m venturing out in a few minutes to go see Hot Fuzz with the ever-charming thoroughbass and a certain amount of girding is taking place.

Monday night I cooked some black-eyed pea & quinoa croquettes with a crimini mushroom sauce. It was a bit of work, but remarkably tasty.

Yesterday I managed to have lunch with my friend in Chinatown that we postponed from last week. Beforehand I wandered the Boston Common again, and found it teeming with cute animals, irish musicans, statues (as usual, they don’t come and go) and some rather interesting light. All in all, a great outing.

Work is a bit mercurial right now, but I’m hopeful that things have settled down a bit for the next few weeks.

Yesterday’s ride went very well, and was a lot of fun. There were six or seven hills of note, but nothing I couldn’t do again. After the ride, we had a fabulously filling meal and a long walk around the Arnold Arboretum. It was so very beautiful, and the lilacs were in bloom, and the place was crawling with families looking for somewhere lovely on Mother’s Day with blooming lilacs.

The ride home from Jamaica Plain involved a conversation with my legs, as they questioned the wisdom of taking a long walk after all that work. I struck a bargain involving a ridiculous amount of food, and managed to make it home with two super burritos which I quickly “disappeared.” The following morning my legs feel a little heavy, but not sore.

At some point someone asked me why I ride fixed. It’s a difficult question, for some reason, though not as difficult as “how are you?” I tried a bunch of technical reasons which may or may not have sounded convincing, but the truth is that the real reason is that it feels better to me, and when I ride fixed I feel more present. Sometimes it hurts more, and sometimes it’s a lot more work, but the presence is worth it all. Riding is full of these little moments that blink out of being instantly, but are so very powerful. Light pouring through splayed branches; the transitioning sound of the pavement as I move from one surface to another; being gently touched by the wind. When I’m truly present, riding is a constant stream of these vivid moments.

This morning V and I made the pilgrimage to IKEA to see what we could see. We didn’t come back empty-handed, but managed to avoid the football fields of impulse purchases. I’m glad I did weightlifting before we left because what we did buy – two dressers for the bedroom – weighed 80 pounds each, and were very hard to get a hold of. I carried them from the truck to the house, confirming that I need to continue lifting weights.

Once that adventure was settled, we set forth again to get lunch as well as ingredients for vegan peanut butter cupcakes. Cupcakes were promptly baked and consumed.

Following digestion, I got the fixed gear ready for tomorrow’s long ride. This mostly involves checking everything over and attaching bottle cages, a saddle bag, and other things that I don’t usually bother having on the frame. This went well until I realized that I needed either a larger saddle bag or a shorter 15mm wrench (this wrench is used for taking the wheels off if I need to change a flat tire, and as such is essential). So once more we set forth to find a stubby 15mm wrench, which eventually we procured. I am now probably over-enamored with the phrase “stubby 15mm wrench.”

Heavy furniture, vegan cupcakes, and stubby wrenches. This is what Saturdays are made of.

May 10 is Varia’s birthday every year, and this year is no exception. Hooray for aging!

I’ve been spending a lot of time on my bike lately, and it’s been great. Zazen on a saddle. I’m going out on a medium-length training ride for the Bikes Not Bombs charity ride this coming Sunday. We’re running the same course as the ride, and I’m curious as to whether the topography will let me do it on the fixed gear. Only one way to find out!

I picked up a rocking retro-wool jersey yesterday as Spring present to myself, as can be seen in this picture. Also, I need a haircut.