The April moon was so bright that I only rarely had to use a flashlight while walking to and from my cabin up the hill. The breeze coming down the mountain sometimes blended seamlessly with the sound of cars whizzing down the nearby road. On the last night, the moon hid behind the clouds and it rained for the first time, gentle and almost warm. Even behind the gauzy cloud-cover, it still shone.

It was a strong sesshin for me, despite (or because of) the Spring and its attendant allergies. It always takes a while for everything to settle in afterwards. I truly enjoy Zen training, even if it’s not always the easiest thing. I’m grateful to have the opportunity.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

Note: Jeffrey is sitting sesshin right now. This post was prepared in advance.

I’m heading up to the Monastery for a full week of sesshin in a few minutes. I’ve got a set of some recent pictures I’ve taken set up to keep you company while I’m away.

Best wishes to you all in this Spring week.

But do you reserve especially for yourself and for the soul of
    man one flag above the rest,
A spiritual woven signal for all nations, emblem of man elate
    above death,
Token of all brave captains and all intrepid sailors and mates,
And all that went down doing their duty,
Reminiscent of them, twined from all intrepid captains young
    or old,
A pennant universal, subtly waving all time, o’er all brave
    sailors,
All seas, all ships.

— Walt Whitman, “Song for all Seas All Ships”

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something I can do.

— Edward Everett Hale

For the first time in years (and a few weeks late), I don’t have any project work. I’ll have some more in May (not as much as previously), but until then my time is my own, such as it is. I’m sitting sesshin all next week, and in conjunction this week, sesshin, and the week after next is a perfect opportunity for gathering myself together. There’s still a lot to be done, so it’s hardly a vacation, but there is enough space in my schedule that I can be mindful of what I’m doing.

There has been much reading! Earlier this week I thoroughly enjoyed The Power of Kindness by Piero Ferrucci, a simple and powerful book which I highly recommend, and another book which will not be named and which was ready to be given away before I read the final page. At the moment I am working my way through Robert Aitken’s The Mind of Clover and Albert Low’s edition of Hakuin on Kensho, both which I’ll likely have to read a few dozen times in the upcoming years. They’re both steeped in Zen, which tends to read differently than any other printed matter I’ve encountered in my life.

Zen is very difficult to talk about, even for people who have been practicing for years. It’s often frustrating that I’m unable to communicate how much it excites and inspires me, let alone why it excites and inspires. I do my best, as it’s all I can do, but I apologize for any past and future attempts that fall short.

You and I come forth as possibilities of essential nature, alone and independent as stars, yet reflecting and being reflected by all things. My life and yours are the unfolding realization of total aloneness and total intimacy.

— Robert Aitken, The Mind of Clover

Time passes swiftly, and opportunity is lost. We feel the pull of the thousands of things that we have to do, the upcoming challenges and annoyances and relaxations. If we’re not attentive, we can let these things take over our minds, and they will fog our experience of what we are actually doing, right here, right now.

I sat tangaryo yesterday, met with my teacher, and after the required ceremonies I am now a formal student of the Mountains and Rivers Order of Zen Buddhism.

I’m not going to talk about it, partly because it’s too personal and partly because I don’t know what to say. There is one image I will share – as I made my way up the hill to the cabin in which I was to spent the day sitting zazen, it was a bit before 5 am and still very dark. I had a cushion in one hand and a flower arrangement for the altar in the other, and needed the help of the tangaryo monitor to shine his flashlight just a foot ahead of me so I could see where to place each foot on the rocky path.

There are many steps ahead; I think I’ve heard something about a journey of a thousand miles at some point. I’m grateful I have feet, and a path to walk.

My student loans are paid off. There ought to be a small party, but mostly there is relief.