Spring, pushing into a looming Summer.

I was fortunate enough to make a brief visit at the monastery this week, and was treated with some of the best weather in recent memory. Vibrant leaves everywhere, and standing at the edge of the verdant meadow, one could see all the tiny insects blowing in the breeze, like rain in slow motion.

There’s something absolutely fantastic about riding a bike in a rainstorm. Especially one like today’s, with its almost warm water. I was drenched to the bone in about 30 seconds, so there was no point in trying to stay dry. I was riding through 8″ deep water at one point, and almost got pushed over by a current caused by water emptying from a cross-street. Water everywhere! It was incredible.

But gods, did I smile the entire way home.

Two notes: 1) the storm let up about 3 minutes after I got home. 2) despite the fact that I was as wet as a drowned rat, the bag I was carrying managed to keep everything inside it dry, including my precious burrito.

If, five years ago, you were to have asked me the favorite Human Resources question, “where do you see yourself in five years?” I don’t think I could have given you anything close to the truth of where I am today. In some ways, sure, but the truth is that there’s been a fundamental change that extends well beyond what I’m doing and where I am. The better question would have been “who do you see yourself being in five years?” though I would have given no better answer.

If you were to have asked me “do you see yourself going rock climbing?” I would have made an incredulous face. But today, looking down from the top of the 40+ foot indoor wall at MetroRock, there was nowhere else I’d rather have been. This morning’s intro class covered safety and basics then got us onto the walls, but I’ll be going back. I don’t think you could keep me away!

In a more general sense, there’s a feeling that I’ve finally come to terms with myself as an athletic person. I go to the gym three times a week, bike around town, run, hike, and have upcoming camping and whitewater rafting trips planned. I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been in my life, and it hasn’t come at the expense of my intellect or emotional sensitivity. This probably ought not to come as a revelation to me, but it has.

And just like that, I’m up to my neck in work again. Well, it would be more accurate to say that I’m chest-high in work, and the work is pleasant, like a hot tub. I don’t know yet if there are any jets in this job-jacuzzi, but it’s possible.

I’ve got a nice, new shiny project in front of me, which I’ll get to build up from a scribble on some paper to a mature application. I’ve got a few exciting side projects to mix it up a little bit, and all the other great things I do but don’t get paid for to maintain creativity and balance.

Also, my landlord is building a patio in the shady, tiny backyard. Since it’s so shady that grass doesn’t grow reliably, I applaud the move and am looking forward to camping out with my laptop and a glass of lemonade in the summer.

First off, let me say that I genuinely enjoyed Speed Racer. The visuals were gorgeous and clever, and it was a treat to get some action in a way that didn’t involve watching people murder other people. I was grinning in delight on more than one occasion, something that movies rarely inspire. Let the nay-sayers say nay.

The Death Cab for Cutie concert was wonderful, as is their new album, Narrow Stairs. They played for a long time and made an awful lot of noise. Also wonderful is Death Cab guitarist Chris Walla’s solo album Field Manual. Both albums are worth a listen.

With all the distractions of life, it’s sometimes easy to forget that it’s a beautiful world. But it is a beautiful world, and it is beautiful right now.

A very happy birthday to V! We’re celebrating by going to see Death Cab for Cutie this evening.

The clarity of sesshin has worn off, and I’m left to do deal with some of the things that were dredged up. One of the monks said that “the good karma is that we get to really look at the bad karma.” He’s right, but it’s not always the easiest stuff to face. In any case, I don’t think that I can live anymore with taking all the stuff that’s difficult or unpleasant and just stuffing it into the basement and hoping it never sees the light of day again.

Maybe it’s not always fun, but the process is rewarding and even joyful in its own way, and there is something exhilarating about having done it. It’s like having a sparkling clean kitchen after a day of hard work scrubbing and washing and mopping, the kitchen is clean, to be sure, but more importantly is that you feel better for having done the work.

I purchased a small 4-shaft floor loom off Craigslist earlier this year, and have been waiting for the time to free up to get started with it. I made my first attempt at setting up a warp yesterday, which was almost a success and a great learning process. Weaving is unforgiving inasmuch as that you must set it up properly; if the warp is messed up in any way, the rest of the project is doomed to failure.

It feels very good to be working with my hands, and I look forward to the process of learning to weave.

Blogging, at some level, is predicated on that idea that you have something to say that’s worth other people’s time and attention. It involves being sure that what’s going on in your life is actually interesting enough to warrant other people wanting to read it.

I’m no longer convinced that my life is anything extraordinary. I’ve met people who are smarter, stronger, more creative, funnier, more mystical, better traveled, you name it. Every time I catch myself trying to play the game where I do my darnedest to make myself sound more whatever than the other person, I wince deep inside (this was probably my least favorite part of grad school, the constant effort to make oneself more erudite and connected. The grind endless one-upsmanship was truly horrible).

So, do I have anything to say? I’m pulled back to John Cage and his infernal “I have nothing to say, I am saying it, and that is poetry” line, and back to Zen with its endless streams of “If you advance you lose it, if you retreat you lose it, if you do nothing you lose it. What will you do? Say a word.” The fact is that you have to say something, even if what you say is nothing. The fact is that you’re saying something, even if you have no idea that you are or what it is.

What am I saying? What do I have to have to say? What does this blog have to say? I really don’t know, but I think it’s about time I found out.

I spent some time working on a video editing project, a little bit of emergency bug fixing and support, and some reading, but most of the week was devoted to cleaning and organizing, which is good practice and also makes for a clean house. It’s the attention to details that matter, though it can easily be taken to extremes. Goodness knows how many details I haven’t paid attention to throughout my life.

I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend. There’s hiking on the agenda, and perhaps a special meal for Cinco de Mayo is order.